Been Down So Long Its Up

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

The Democrats are Pussies and the Republicans are Herd Animals

So when are the goddamn Democrats going to grow a pair? Here we have a new judicial nominee that has the radical fringe cheering and already I'm seeing stories of Democrats backing off a filibuster and some are even cooing over the nominee. Come on people, when are you going to get some fucking balls? Ann Coulter was right, the withdrawal of Miers wasn't a victory for Democrats, it was victory for her radical right. And yet the Democrats are just willing to go along with this fringe group and let them dominate for no reason other then they can't stand up for themselves?

Unfortunately Republicans are worse than Democrats. Supposedly there are "moderate" Republicans. Yeah right. The Republicans are herd animals. They do exactly as told from the powers structure that controls them. They believe fundamentally in a hierarchical society. That means they follow orders. So as soon as the powers that be tell them that they need to get in line, they all fall in, from the most radical to the most moderate. You won't find a single Republican willing to vote against the nomination of Alito. That's because they can't think for themselves. In everything in their life they do exactly what they are told and worse they think that's a virtue.

Well let's go ahead you fucking pawns and sissies, just give this guy the rubber stamp like the cowards and herd animals that you are. Move the court to the far right for the next 30 to 40 years, despite the fact that polls prove the country isn't there with you. Let's turn this country into a backwards Christian Republic and throw science out the window, accelerating our demise, because science has made us the super power that we are today. But ah fuck it. Who needs science? And smart people? We don't need them. Let the brain drain begin as scientists start going to other countries that know how to embrace the future. Fiscally conservative, socially liberal is the true face of the nation, despite what the doomsday "we've embraced the right" media talking heads tell you. You've been programmed people. Wake the fuck up. We deserve weak leaders like the ones we've got, because we voted them there. The Republic is crumbling. But we'll just be sleepingwalking while it burns.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Smug Motherfuckers Eating Their Own Shit Finally

Is it just me or do, collectively, G.W., Karl Rove, and Tom Delay have the smuggest smiles ever seen on a set of choppers? They're they type of smiles you might see on some dickhead who just kicked over your sand castle or smacked down your books. You look up and see that punk standing over you smirking and instinctively you just want to smash their fat little faces in. Its the smile you see on that kid who just beat you at video games for the 40th time in a row or on some bloated redneck with a shotgun who just lynched him a nigger. Christ, Delay even smiled at his mug shot. Tommy, I hope you keep smiling as you take it up the ass in the big house from all those big, angry, horny prisoners they got down in Texas sitting on death row for stealing a pack of chewing gum or for not reciting the national anthem patriotically enough. And just remember, Tom, as they're stretching out your anal cavity, "everything's bigger in Texas."

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Ding Dong, Delay is Dead

Is anyone else as ecstatic as me to see Delay indicted not once but twice in recent days? Now they are going after him for money laundering too, which carries a life prison term. Finally the Republican's hubris has come home to roost. Bush is a lame duck. Now the internal power struggle begins. The neocons are done. And like the Sith, its time for a new apprentice to rise up, kill his master and assume power.

Its surprising how accurately the Jedis and Sith portrayed power in the Star Wars movies. The Jedis, the forces of light and truth, sat on councils and sought consensus. But there could be only two Sith, a master and an apprentice, or a master and a slave, because they craved power and to get it they eliminated all rivals. The apprentice is subservient to the master. Like the Republican, he hides his true feelings and goes along with whatever his master tells him. But eventually he grows restless and rises up to kill his master. Then he becomes the master and the cycle starts again once he chooses a new apprentice. The Republicans are masters of pretending to be unified, but behind the scenes they fight bitterly and they crave power. And as soon as a leader shows weakness they seize on the opportunity to steal power back.

So now we're seeing the Republicans tear themselves apart. We're seeing the fissures. Scathing memos from Newt Gingrich to prominent Republicans have dribbled onto the net. They rip the Bush administration for its utter lack of fiscal conservatism and the Iraq war. Bush's Supreme Court nominees were not radical enough and so some of the right has even turned against him. Bush's numbers have plummeted to unheard of lows. Katerina proved to even the staunchest of his backers that he hasn't covered our asses here on the homeland. The blame of local officials rings hollow. Even Ann Coulter has turned on Bush. In her latest column she berates him for not backing more radical conservatives in countless elections. She's especially pissed because he asked Kathrine Harris (the wench who helped steal the election in Florida) not to run. Coulter encourages the "magnificent Harris" to run anyway, because with Bush's approval ratings so low, his lack of endorsement alone is probably enough to get her elected. Ouch.

Its feeding frenzy time in the Republican party. Get ready to watch them eat their own dead. And if the Democrats are only balsy enough, they can seize the day and take back the government from the radicals who want to destroy it.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

God Declares World A Bunch of Fucknuts

In other news, not covered much by the so called "mainstream" press, God spoke to a group of scool children in a small town just outside of Aberdeen, Scotland called Mimsy Borogoves. The small school, Our Lady of Infinite Malice, snagged the big lecturer after the head master promised God he could bang his daughter, the lovely Ida Stockington, while dressed as a golden bird. God started off slow but worked into the speach, noted many of the participants, who said "he looks funny" and "my head hurts." There were no recorders or cameras allowed but a notepads were permited. God said "few if any of you fucknuts understand me and you all make me sick, that's why I'm going on vacation for the next 15 milennia to see how you like it. Expect the Christians to take over everything and fuck it all up completely during that time, after which you'll be begging me to come back. See you later, losers."

"In the beginning was nonsense, and the nonsense was with God, and the nonsense was God." -Nietzsche

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Can't Get the Snatch? No Prob, Just Try A Dating Sim

Every few days I get this newsletter from a ex-pat who moved to Japan a decade or so ago and started an export business. I used to just trash it, but after reading it casually a few times I got addicted. His newsletter and blog is full of strange anecdotes, like how the Japanese PTA mothers post billboards along the highway that say things like "Overprotective parents create weak children." You can buy a piece of the insanity on his site J-List. Aside from the useful, such as these really comfy Tatami slippers, the real lure of the site is the strange and never-before-seen. For example the Japanese don't like their porn in cheap throw-away magazines that cost a few bucks, they like heavily produced hardback "picture books" of their naked women, that cost about $50 bucks.

The most bizarre item I've found there recently are "dating sims." A dating sim is a video game where the player tries to win dates with girls and guys. You might figure that there are only one or two games like this, but apparently there are dozens, if not hundreds available. J-List sells both the Hentai and Non-Hentai versions of the sims. The difference is that Hentai vids let you go the whole nine yards (Hentai is cartoon porn) whereas with non-hentai you'll be lucky to get a hand job off-screen. Unfortunately, the non-hentai vids are likely to give you flashbacks to your high school years, only worse because now you've been dissed by a cartoon babe on your Playstation. Me, I like my porn non-interactive, since I always know how the scene with the wa-wa pedal where the gardener comes in for a drink from the desperate housewife in the see through nighty is going to end.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

If You Don't Ask for Help, We Can't Help You

Sometimes it's hard to get help. The first step is always to ask. For those of you out there suffering from the filthy, disgusting, shameful little secret known as "goat trauma" these people are there to help you live a more fulfilling life.

Be sure to mouse over the goat icon when you get there.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

We Should Have Let the South secede from the Union

As I watched the pathetic New York Jets lay a goose egg against the Kansas City Chiefs this weekend, I realized I'd just watched a larger struggle between red states and blue states. Of course, New York is a perennial blue state and just looking at the sea of red shirts in the Kansas City crowd tells you which way bleeding Kansas votes. And just like in the last few elections the reds pounded the blues. That's when it hit me: we should have let the fucking South secede from the Union. If we had where would those ignorant fucks be right now? They'd be a third world country, wallowing in their own filth, throwing their trash on their lawn, hanging their niggers and fucking their sisters.

That's right, for all the idiots in the South who vote against their own interests, I've lost all respect and sympathy. Your Republicans have completely eroded all social safety nets, but guess what states depend on them the most? That's right, the glorious, self sufficient, "backbone of America" collects the most checks from Uncle Sam, the most unemployment, welfare and public assistance. Face it you fucks, the blue states keep this goddamn country afloat. New York and California generate more money then most of the red states combined. California alone is the fifth largest economy in the world. And yet every year Kansas and states like it vote overwhelmingly against there own self interests. And why? So that the gays can't get married? Brilliant. Do any of you even know any gays? Probably not. They don't live in your bullshit states. Make sure to keep voting exactly like the local church tells you. For all those people in the "red states" who stand against the red tide, I salute you for your strength in a sea of ignorance. But for all those that support life by opposing abortion, but supporting war and the death penalty, the only thing consistent is your inconsistency.

Christians who have a consistent position can be respected. If you support life, then stand against war, the death penalty and abortion, like the Pope. That's right the Pope doesn't support your war or your death penalty. Have a consistent position. I can respect that. But don't waste our time with your fake moral values just because you're opposed to people who abort a clump of cells. A few people have tried to study the madness of Kansas and their ilk. If you want to try to understand the insane, then read What's the Matter with Kansas, by Thomas Frank, if you can stomach it. Just know this: Every year, they vote to keep themselves working shitty jobs, at the whim of awesome corporate oligarchies, for minimum wage with no benefits. When they lose that job, they make sure to vote so that they can't get unemployment benefits after nine months. They pump out more kids and make sure they vote so they can't get food stamps or housing assistance. When they get sick, they make sure to vote so that they can't get health insurance. They pay the most taxes and then make sure to vote so that the richest people can take deduction after deduction until they're paying virtually nothing. Good for you, idiots, keep it up. You deserve everything you get. It's just too bad Lincoln wasn't smart enough to let you go when you wanted to so many years ago.